Ooh Me Knees

Still nothing from the wonderful scab-lifters - no results through from the hospital after a couple of months. Hope that mean's it's not leprosy, then.

"I know", sez I, "I will ring my GPs and chase the results of the knee juice extraction". Cunning plan, hey? Naaah.

After about six attempts to get through to the relevant department at the hospital, I finally get told to go back to the GP and ask them to contact the hospital as I can't possibly, as the former owner of said juices, tell them to send the frigging results through that should have been done as a priority in November.

So, to lessen the load on my gristly bits in the meantime, it's the great 2008 Lose The Lard Campaign.

As an admitted fat blerk, who has had little time for exercise for the last few years (very young spawn and working 6-7 days per week leave little time for the great outdoors) I have gone up to an estimated 15 1/2 - 16 Stone. At pretty much bang on 6'0" that makes me Mr Blobby.

Now my best fighting weight is about 14 stone, maybe a smidge less as I will never get to the 'recommended' weight as I am rather wide... and before everyone goes "oh yeah, big-boned are you lardy? You'll be blaming your glands next" I hark back to the Medical form I had to get signed off by the Doc before the Army would let me jump out of a hairyplane at Netheravon.....

..."According to this chart you're overweight Mr Shot"

"What do you want me to cut off, then?"

"Fair enough (signs form)"

(Before the days of BMI's admittedly)

So, I am facing Walkers Withdrawal Symptoms.

'Elfy Eating and all that malarkey. Actually not too much of a problem as I do cook prettily healthily, but Confit du Canard looks like it's off the menu.

Cutting down on the booze - I'll now have to face 9pm sober on a daily basis. Grim.

Fruit. Nooooo not the fruit!

All this is not helped by my hyper-metabolism equipped wife and spawn who eat like a pack of starving wolverines while remaining irritatingly slim. Or the fact that I spend most of the day either driving or sat at a desk polishing my trousers.

Time to start getting up early again...